Believe it or not: The TV evangelist sent me money

I gave my first donation to a TV evangelist when I was nine years old. The preacher was Rex Humbard of Akron. My tax-deductible contribution totalled 27 cents. I received urgent fund raising appeals for the next three years.

Since then, I've seen requests for money from Jimmy Swaggart and Jerry Falwell, Oral Roberts and Franklin Graham. But this week, for the first time ever, a TV preacher SENT MONEY TO ME.

Pastor Bob Tilton of Tulsa, Oklahoma mailed me a crisp new $1 bill from the federal reserve bank in Minneapolis along with an upbeat, computer-generated letter.

"I TELL YOU, FRANK, THIS IS YOUR TIME!...Frank, hold this "seed dollar" in your hand as you continue to read the words: "IN GOD WE TRUST." I sent you this dollar bill as a seed to help you Prime the Pump for the wellspring of blessings that will flow like a river out of you."

To get those blessings flowing like an Oklahoma oil well, Pastor Bob said I need to take that dollar and mail it back to Tulsa -- along with my best gift of $29, $49, $199 or $499.

"Frank, when I receive your answer back, I am going to send you some anointing oil to help you believe God for a continuous miracle. When you receive this anointing oil, anoint your wallet and all your bills as our Point of Contact...for your CONTINUOUS MIRACLE."

Pastor Bob used to air on television stations across America. But after Prime Time Live aired damning allegations of ministerial misconduct, he faded from the screen. He's back however (with his third wife and four french poodles) preaching his get-rich-quick spiritual schemes on BET. I caught his show on a recent trip to Arkansas and called the toll-free number. Now, he says, I too can reap financial blessings.

Many TV evangelists seek donations. But Tilton goes after those who are poor and struggling. His letter asks "How much do you need to pay all your debts? Write your answer here: $ _______"

Then it asks, "What is your biggest debt?_______________"

For those scraping by, he writes: "If it's just impossible for you to give $29 along with this dollar bill, then give the closest thing you have to that and send it..."

It's a spiritual pyramid scheme. But when Pastor Bob sowed money in my life, I'm afraid it fell among thorns.

Pastor Bob urged me to leave this new seed faith dollar in my Bible overnight and then mail it back to him. But I sowed it in a Herald-Leader soda machine instead (after inspecting it carefully to make sure it wasn't counterfeit.) Just as Esau threw away his inheritance for a bowl of pottage, I traded my shot at "unlimited blessings, unlimited miracles, unlimited prosperity" for a cold, 65-cent can of Diet Coke. With the remaining 35 cents, I made a down-payment on a Mounds bar.

Pastor Bob, if you're reading my blog, please SEND MORE MONEY. Don't be stingy -- mail me "YOUR BEST GIFT" -- and a copy of your free book Learn How to Pay Your Bills -- Supernaturally!

(Yes, he's really written a book by that title. And yes, he's offering it for free on his website.)

Pastor Bob's website: http://successinlife.tv/

Wikipedia's entry on Pastor Bob: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Robert_Tilton

Comments

[Christopher Rice]

Frank, this is a classic! Your best post yet. I think this one belongs in the Wittenburg Door! And when you submit it, give Ole Anthony my regards.

[Caleb Powers]

Frank, here's the play: Take that dollar which has been blessed by Bro. Bob, and then send it on to Mr. Osama bin Osama, or whatever the name was, who has all those millions waiting to be claimed (you may need to get some more of Bro. Bob's dollar bills for this, but I know you're resourceful).

That way, when those millions come your way, they'll be blessed, too!!

[ukLutheran]

Frank,

I liked Caleb's suggestion, but I have a better one. Since he wrote: "If it's just impossible for you to give $29 along with this dollar bill, then give the closest thing you have to that and send it...", then you should just fill out the form, put down some of your bills, send him back the dollar and tell us what happens.

[John Sparks]

Sounds like an auspicious sign for your prosperity in Arkansas, Frank, so good luck:)

[Rodney Olsen]

Hey! I checked out the Wiki entry. Surprise, surprise, he's The Farting Preacher. I love his stuff. :)

If I ask him nicely will he send me some seed money too. I'm planning to plant some very big seeds so the dollar bill just aint gonna do it. Can you ask him to send me a few thousand?

[Osi Onyekwuluje]

I put down my email address down here apprehensive as EVER and praying that you do NOT forward my email to Bob Tilton -- unless there is dollar bill attached with the email. Like you, I love (Caffeine free) DIET coke and I have one I'm eyeing in the soda machine. I could use Bob's dollar just about NOW. Anyway, your post was hilarious. I made several large (considering my limited resources) contributions to a few pastors on T. V. and now I receive so many of the kind of letters you mentioned that I'm afraid to answer my door for fear that a pastor is standing there with his hand out!

[Ellsworth]

Frank, that was great. I just laughed and laughed. You were so funny! And so right on.

[existdissolve]

Hmmm...Diet Coke, eh? I, unfortunately for my wallet, have a bit richer taste--only Starbucks for me! I tend to spend my lunch hour drinking Peppermint Mocha Frappacino (yum!) while reading up on evolution and string-theory. I wonder if ol' Bob would fund me for THAT?!?

I too have seen the infamous "farting preacher" videos starring everyone's favorite televangelist. On second thought, I would, indeed, contribute to Mr. Tilton's ministry premised on the release of more of these wonderful tributes to Holy Spirit-induced flatulence.

Outstanding post, btw!

[Caleb Powers]

Caffeine free???

Wimp . . .

[Randy Hurst (Prophet R)]

Such "ministers" truly are warts on (and farts from) the butt of the world. They are the wolves among the sheep. They prey on the poor and the elderly. As your perceptive comments intimate, if they were genuine they would be dispersing more than a silly dollar to those who authentically need assistance. True spirituality is filled with compassion for those that struggle. Bravo on your ridicule of the ridiculous! Charlatans! As the double edged sword swings back this way I must ask myself if there is any hint of such slithery selfishness in my own daily affairs. In stark contrast CNN’s lead story today was Zimbabweans eating rats. Oh that those seed $’s had been diverted to real seed and real food for real hungry people. In as much as you have fed the hungry you have fed Jesus.

[Osi Onyekwuluje]

Yep. I gotta go caffeine free!

[the Thief]

Caffeine free Diet? (shakes head sadly) What has this world come to?

[usman aktar]

Such "ministers" truly are warts on (and farts from) the butt of the world. They are the wolves among the sheep. They prey on the poor and the elderly. As your perceptive comments intimate, if they were genuine they would be dispersing more than a silly dollar to those who authentically need assistance. True spirituality is filled with compassion for those that struggle. Bravo on your ridicule of the ridiculous! Charlatans! As the double edged sword swings back this way I must ask myself if there is any hint of such slithery selfishness in my own daily affairs. In stark contrast CNN’s lead story today was Zimbabweans eating rats. Oh that those seed $’s had been diverted to real seed and real food for real hungry people. In as much as you have fed the hungry you have fed Jesus.I too have seen the infamous "farting preacher" videos starring everyone's favorite televangelist. On second thought, I would, indeed, contribute to Mr. Tilton's ministry premised on the release of more of these wonderful tributes to Holy Spirit-induced flatulence.